Goodbye Mumma
Jul 11, 2017, Updated Apr 13, 2021
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“All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe it to you”
You taught me everything mumma.
Everything except how to live without you.
What do I do now?
Last 3 weeks have been the darkest days of my life.
I wake up every morning hoping that it was all just a bad dream and that I would be able to see you again.
No child can ever be ready for this loss.
What would I do to hear you one more time.
What would I do to have your hands on my head one more time
What would I do to see you smile one more time..only if..
I feel lost without you mumma.
Life was never fair to you.
You lost your brother, your sisters, your daughter, your son.
And if that wasn’t enough now you lost your life after fighting a long battle and suffering so much.
I have often questioned the existence of god because if someone as loving, as giving, as caring and as kind as you can suffer so much, then I really doubt his existence.
You and dad gave so much love to everyone around you and it was never restricted to your immediate family, you both went above and beyond to make others happy.
It is so unfair that you both suffered so much all through your life. So unfair maa, so unfair.
You were so brave, so strong.
I have never seen anyone as strong as you.
Your faced so much but never without a smile on your face.
I miss you so much mumma, the thought that I will never see you again, it doesn’t let me sleep.
But I know life has to go on and I know you would always want me to move ahead in life and work hard and that’s what I would do.
My only wish now is to be your daughter again because clearly this life wasn’t enough.
You are the best mother in this whole world and I love you so much, so much.
Being your daughter is my biggest blessing.
Rest in peace maa, at last you are free from all the sufferings.
PS: My readers: sorry guys for no updates for almost a month now. I just could not bring myself up to write anything. I will be back to posting recipes very soon. My mumma was very proud of my blog and I know she would always want me to continue sharing recipes here. I am not going to let her down. So I will be back to updating the blog very soon. Thank you all for reading.
Brings tears to my eyes whenever I have read this post. Your mom must be so proud of you and blessing you! Precious bond that will always be there.
Thank you <3
Awe Manali I’m so sorry for you loss…I lost my dad 2 years ago & I miss him every day but a mom is on a different level…hugs?
So sorry for ur loss Manali . Such a beautiful tribute to ur mom, she is definitely proud of you and watching after you always ! Sending you love during this difficult time!
I was browsing your site from Page 1 and when I came to this this post,I can’t help but cry. No child is indeed ready for such loss. I lost my Mom 2 years ago before I got married. But I am happy that I got to fulfill her final wishes for me – to marry my then BF who’s Indian and to have a baby (she’s half Indian and half Filipino). Every time I look at my baby, I remember her. And how happy would she be that I now know how to cook Indian dishes. Thanks to your blog!
Do continue to write and blog. You are doing your Mom proud. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss Nyss..it’s an irreplaceable loss and the pain never really goes away but we live on…So glad you fulfilled her final wishes..sending so much love to you and your little family..stay happy 🙂 and thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot ?
So sorry for your loss ,but your mother lives on within you always- in her love, values & her cooking . She seems to have been a lovely ,brave person & would be proud to see you with your own cookbook & blog.
Thank you
I fought tears back while reading this. I can only imagine what a beautiful soul and human being she was. Knowing you I can imagine what a great person she must have been.
I can never ever imagine the pain of your loss. No one can. Loss of a loved one, is the greatest loss. I cant offer you strength, you are already brought up strong by her. I can not offer you condolences, you already have a world full of love from her. All I can offer you, is, my believe, that you will be able to cope this this loss and spread her divineness through everything you do, my believe, that you will be successful in every endeavour and she will be watch you with the proudest smile from among the gods. Jai Shri Ram.
Thank you Abinash
I’m so sorry for your loss, Manali. I hope you stay strong and get through this. Keep up your blog- we miss your recipes already!
Thanks Sabrina
So sorry to know about your loss Manali. Your post brought me to tears since it took me back to the time when I had lost my mother 10 years back. It is really tough losing a loved one, and losing one’s parent even more so. It is indeed an irrepairable loss. Nothing apparently heals this pain. My prayers go out to you my dear. May He give strength to you and give peace to her soul. Sending hugs your way. <3
Thank you Taruna, sorry to hear about your loss..yes it’s indeed an irreparable loss, the pain never goes away.
In this tough time I’ll just say please take care of yourself. Your Maa will be taking care of you from the heaven ; she was , she is and she will be your angel. Take darling.
Thank you Swati
Manali.
My parents came to see me. They were with me for 15 days and when they left for India my home is so empty. I can see them everywhere in my house. If i cook i can hear my mom’s voice. Atleast i know they are here with me, i know i will see them on a video call soon. I cant even imagine what it must be to let them go. To be not able to touch them. I am so sorry for your loss will be small things to say yaar. Your mom’s love run in your viens and she is with you in each heartbeat.
Stay strong.
Thanks Shweta
I deeply sorry for your loss, Manali. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. Life is really unfair to many people. I know that no one can replace a mother, but I so wish that your wish come true of becoming your Mom’s daughter. HUGS to you.
Thank you Anu
Very sorry for your loss.my heart felt condolences.Get stronger.nothing in world can equal mom!
Thank you Priya
My heart is breaking and I have no words to describe how I feel right now. My thoughts are with you and your family! Sending you hugs!
Thank you Mira
Manali, I was recently sent this note because my own mother has been very sick. I do not know who originally wrote it but I thought of you after I read about your heartbreaking loss…
Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well, she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, she is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not even death.
those are beautiful lines Tamra, made me cry. Thank you ❤️ I hope your mom feels better soon, no worse feeling that seeing your mom suffer. sending love.
manali
my condolence -mother, ma is one , who always thinks about the best for her children , however old they have grown up . remember her good deeds and ask the supreme to give the courage to follow her foot steps in doing good to every one
Thank you Jitendra
Manali, from reading of your mumma, we all love her, too. What a very wonderful, lovely, lady. Even though we feel like the world should stop to appreciate such a life, she would not want you to grieve too long! Know that she is still with you, and because she is spirit now, just think of her and she will be with you. You are still surrounded by her love!
Your recipe for coconut orange crepes is the BEST!!
Thank you for posting and sharing your delicious recipes. Feel better soon….
Thank you Louanne, appreciate the kind words ❤️
Mother the sweetest word on the earth always full of love.she will be with you always.
Thank you Davinder
So sorry for your loss ?? May her soul rest in Peace ?? She is your guardian angel now & will always be around you ,in you ,as you ??
Thank you Mansi
Sending you comfort and peace Manali.Take all the time you need to grieve,heal,and get to a place where it feels like it is time again.How blessed to have been raised by not 1,but 2 wonderful and clearly exceptional people!One never knows when our time is over on this earth.Your parents live on through you,sweet lady.Am positive that God will comfort and send people across your path to help fill the void in your heart.Love and Peace??
Thank you Teri, appreciate the kind words ❤️
Manali. My deepest condolences to you on the recent loss of your Mumma. I am sure she is proud of you and the person you have become. Always remember to keep her alive in your heart and in your blog, that she loved to see you do. May you find strength and peace and remember she is always with you. Hugs and prayers to you
Thank you Dianne
Manali I have seen the struggle that you went through along with your mom in the past. I am lost for words to console you. The fighter that you are; I am assuring myself that you will be back as strong as ever. Hugs to you dear..
Thank you Sushma
Manali, deepest condolences to you and your family! I’m sure your Mumma is proud of all that you’ve done and will continue to do. Stay strong and be well. Sending you hugs and prayers!
Thank you Monali
Dear Manali. My heart goes out to you at this sad time.
I was wondering why I hadn’t seen your newsletter for a while..
Thinking of you, Love and hugs.
Thanks Fiona
Sorry Manali. I’m sending you and your family all my love. I know you won’t ever forget her but her courage and strength will continue to guide you forever. Lots of love and hugs.
Thank you Upasna
I m so sorry for your loss. May God bless her soul.
Thank you
So sorry to hear about your sweet mother, Manali. May you find peace and healing with time and love. Much love to you…
Thank you Anjana
Dear Manali- I’m so sorry for your loss. You are right no one can ever be ready to lose someone as dear as mother. Take care and stay strong Manali!
Thank you Deepa
My heart is breaking for you Manali and I’m sorry that your mother suffered so much! My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. xoxo
Thank you Marcie
Sorry for the loss of your mother. Lots of love to you.
Thank you Marilyn
So very sorry for your loss. I’m certain your mom is looking down on you as proud as ever of the person you are and for your accomplishments. Continue to make her proud being the woman she raised you to be. Kathy
Thank you Kathy
I am so sorry for your loss! Your mom sounds amazing and her smile is so beautiful. Hang on to those good memories and now let her light radiate through you. My thoughts and prayers are with your and your family during this difficult time.
Thank you Nadia. Yes her smile is the prettiest ❤️
Manali.So sorry for your loss.No one can replace your mother.She is now in a better place free of sufferings of this world.
Her blessings are always with you and your fly and she will.surely be watching you, guiding you.
May her soul rest in eternal peace and may God give you the strength to bear this great loss
Thank you Suchita, appreciate the kind words
I am so sorry, Manali. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman, and I know she felt your love and care. My thoughts are with you at this tough time. Hang in there! And the best thing you can do now is live your life as your mother raised you. That would certainly make her proud!
Thank you David, hope you have been well.
Dearest Manali, Sincere condolences to you and your family.
For You:
“Manali and Mumma”
To see her smile is your smile too;
You always have that part of her with you.
She lives on in all you do;
Through all the values she instilled in you.
Indeed, one day you’ll meet again;
For in a soul’s journey, it is never the end.
“Indeed, one day you’ll meet again;
For in a soul’s journey, it is never the end.”
I hope so too, thank you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your Mum did a great job in raising you – you seem to be a great person (and a great cook!).
I really hope you’ll see her again one day. ❤
Thank you Judith, I hope so too.
Know that she is in a better place now. In such times you do doubt the existence of God. But never doubt it. He is always there. It is only a testing time and if you believe He will strengthen you to go through.
It is nice to hear that you will resume your blogging. Keep up the good work and keep her alive through it.
May God grant you peace of mind and heart.
Sarah
Thank you Sarah
So sorry for your loss, life is not fair but at least you have the love you shared and that will always be with you.
Thank you Eric
Manali, I am so very sorry for your loss. I was wondering where you have been..thought you might have been on a holiday or just some time off from the internet..didn’t expect this…:-((( (((HUG)))
Thank you Angie
I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman and the picture of her is radiant.
Thank you, yes she was truly amazing ❤️
May
memories
comfort you
Memories keep the one you loved
close to you in spirit and thought
and always in your heart,
today and forever.
Sincerely,
Hemant
‘Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light,'”
Thank you Hemant, appreciate the kind words
so sorry to hear this sad news Manali… It’s really difficult to think our world without parents…Hope wherever is aunty she will be always with you and will give you enough strength to overcome all the obstacles……Her ever smiling face shows how courageous she was and fought all the odds of life..May God rest her soul in peace
Thank you Amrita